Shrewd (#6)

Description: Some weeks ago, we did our Shakespeare monologues in class. I played Katherina of Taming of the Shrew pre-subjugation. I'm bitter, shrewd, and just aggressive toward Petruchio. Before we started learning our monologues, we learned about Stanislavsky and his method acting. Stanislavsky's form of acting requires the actor to utilize actions to portray an emotion, desire, passion, etc. I paired up with Karen since we were both doing Taming of the Shrew, except she's playing Kate post-subjugation. After I recited a line, Karen would ask me what my action was and I would reply something along the lines of "I wish to condemn Petruchio for his ridiculous attitude toward subjecting women". This was supposed to help me enter the emotions of Kate and thoroughly portray her character in my actions. We each went through our own monologues line by line and after I recited a line, Karen would listen and let me know what was good or what felt missing.

Analysis: Kate is mad at Petruchio. Actually, "mad" would be an understatement; she is furious. It's her wedding day she's grudgingly been put into and Petruchio's not even there, leaving her in utmost humiliation. Rather than flailing around and raging, I wanted to portray a stern, internalized rage that seeps out of me. The remarks I say against Petruchio, I tried to portray as passive aggressive, to really show the wrath. I was afraid that if I displayed Kate's rage through wild, uncontrolled movements, they might be taken comically and I found this scene to be one of the gravest.

I imagined the scene as one that creates a dramatic pause at the end, with Kate's subdued rage and passivity. Finding the right tone for Kate was challenging. It was hard for me to portray the action of being mad when I actually wasn't. This was the first time I really experienced the challenges of acting. I started overthinking every detail of movement and voice. I tried to put myself into flashbacks of events when I was mad before, but I couldn't emanate the same emotions. This is where Karen helped a lot to increase emotions when needed or when to lower the drama. I actually think I'd do it better if someone actually got me mad before the monologue.
Reflection: I learned that I am not good at faking or acting mad. I can act happy, jovial, bubbly, but definitely not mad. Personally, I struggle with stepping outside of my comfort zone.

That doesn't mean I don't do things out of my comfort zone though. I love trying new things and expanding my experiences, but it really takes me a while to get adjusted to the new thing and to become skilled or adept at it. Even though many people wouldn't know this, I'm also very self-conscious about how others might judge the way I behave.

I've gotten more confident in certain aspects of my personality, but in acting, not so much yet. Usually, I have the perfect idea in my head; I can see exactly how a line should be dictated or acted through. And I can hear the tone of voice in my head, but when I try to actually enact it, I just can't. For next time, I'd have to really work on letting go of my inhibitions and... letting loose. Too much of social construct inhibits me from acting fully sometimes and maybe doing more workshops or exercises can help me loosen up. Once I do take that risk and overcome some self-consciousness, I think I'd be 200% better at Stanislavsky's method acting. The process of getting there though, I expect to take a while. I know there will be times when I fail and still stick with my comfort zone, but those are the little steps I need to take to reach the end goal.